Blessings by the Dozen

A mother of 12 knows life isn’t cheaper by the dozen, but realizes the blessings of adoption.

The voice, did you hear it? That gentle voice singing you to sleep. The strong, sweet voice ringing out at sunset for you to come in for dinner. That same voice, slightly weathered, calling years later to make sure you’re getting enough rest. Over time, the voice becomes another chorus in the soundtrack of your life, a familiar cadence, like a train in the distance or the beating of a heart. It’s this voice that comforts you when you’ve been wronged, scolds you when you’ve wronged another and teaches you what it is to be loved.

Now imagine the voice didn’t exist. You never heard those lullabies. You came home after school to the sounds of silence—or worse, shouting. Years later, no one called to check up on you. No one taught you what it is to be loved. Fathom, if you can, going years without ever recognizing that voice and then, suddenly, hearing it at an age when you could appreciate it. Think of the significance of that solitary sound, as if the whole, great clatter of the world had fallen on deaf ears until, for the first time, you awoke to hear music dancing on the wind and reverberating in your soul.

This is a story about the significance of a mother. Or more precisely, a story defined by the opposite—what it’s like to grow up without a mother and then suddenly, miraculously, to find one. This is a story about the blessing of a family—in fact, a rather large one. A family of 14: Kent, Kerry, and 12 children—Sam, Gregg, Brandon, Ben, John, Josh, Laura, Erin, Kaitlyn, Joel, Ariana and Briana. A baker's dozen, plus one. Enough people to form a football team with several to spare, a family larger than most can imagine. This is a story about adoption, family and the miracle of motherhood.

Cheaper by the Dozen
Kerry’s day begins at 5:30 a.m. Her eyes flutter open, and she starts her morning. First, she goes down to the basement to wake up the high schoolers, Gregg, Brandon, Ben and John. (The oldest, 20-year-old Sam, is on a mission trip in Brazil.) Sometimes it takes splashing water on the boys before they stubbornly roll out of bed. On her way back upstairs, she tosses a load of laundry into an large washer and dryer, and she begins making breakfast. Then it’s on to wake up the middle schoolers—Josh and Laura. Along the way, she starts another load of laundry and prepares more plates. Once the first two waves of kids are out the door, it’s time for the elementary students—Erin, Kaitlyn, Joel and the twins, Ariana and Briana. She gets them ready just in time to make the bus. By 8 a.m., all of the children are out the door.

As the mother of a dozen kids—six by birth and six by adoption—Kerry has learned the small secrets to managing motherhood. She’s discovered the quickest meals (Hamburger Helper, spaghetti), the shortest routes to school, the beauty of color-coded clothing. She’s learned all of the tricks it takes to run a household of 14. She keeps a chore list on the refrigerator with tasks for each of the children. She’s created a family song. To get around, the family drives a 15-passenger van, the kind used mostly for schools and churches.

In fact, that’s how it all began.

Six years ago, Kerry and Kent were looking for a full-size van to haul around their six kids when they instead stumbled onto a deal they couldn’t turn down, a white 15-passenger van. It was after buying this great Moby Dick of the Road that the family packed into its bowels and drove to Arizona to visit relatives. After pulling into the driveway and exchanging pleasantries, a relative joked, “Wow, you could adopt seven kids and fill that thing up.” Kerry and Kent laughed. “We had no inkling at that time that we really would adopt six children,” says Kerry. A week later, Kerry and Kent said their goodbyes and returned to Wichita but, for some reason, the offhand remark stuck. The couple’s youngest had just turned 3, so life grew a tad easier without all of the diapers and bottles. “We just felt really blessed, and we wanted to share those blessings,” recalls Kerry.

Adoption has it many avenues, so Kerry and Kent weren’t sure where to start. Truth be told, they were still mulling the idea over. “We talked about adopting a baby. But babies are for families who don’t have kids, not families who already have six,” says Kerry. They looked into foreign and private adoption, but it was far too expensive. Then, one day while driving home from work at Cessna in 2002, Kent heard a radio commercial about the Court Appointed Special Advocates program, a nonprofit that advocates for children in the foster care system and strives to make impartial recommendations about what is in the children's best interests. They went online and discovered the Kansas Children’s Service League and the profiles of local children looking for homes, young faces staring back, each with a story to tell. “It was the fact that there are these kids out there in Wichita who really need a home that really struck us,” says Kerry. “That’s when we started getting serious about it.”

Together for the First Time
The first time they met, it was at a park. Josh and Kaitlyn, a 10-year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl, came to the park with their foster parents. The group visited for nearly an hour. There was an instant connection. “They took to us right away,” recalls Kerry. “As we were walking back, Kaitlyn was holding Kent’s hand, and she gave me a little kiss to say goodbye. It was just so sweet.” Josh and Kaitlyn moved into the house in August 2003 (more than a year after Kent and Kerry took a 10-week parenting class through KCSL and the organization did a home study). Then, in 2006, Kent and Kerry adopted four more children, siblings named Brandon, John, Ariana and Briana—making a total of a dozen kids. Two years later, the family has experienced the ups and downs of adoption, and they realize its vital need in the community.

Right now, there are nearly 350 children awaiting adoption in Wichita and more than 800 children statewide. These kids come from difficult circumstances—physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, lack of supervision or emotional abuse. For teenagers, it’s sometimes even more difficult. “Whenever we have younger children, those are the ones everyone is lining up waiting for,” says Cornelia Stevens, the south-central region director for the Kansas Children’s Service League. “The reality is we all need homes. We all need love, and it doesn’t matter how old we are.”

Some children find temporary relief with foster families. But Stevens has seen the difference that people like Kerry and Kent make in the lives of children through adoption. “There’s something to say about stability. It instills a trust in people,” she says. “There’s an inability to develop healthy relationships when you’re living with someone else every three or four months. How do you learn how to love, to trust, to have friends? These are things we take for granted. When we give a child the opportunity for a child to have stability, we give them the ability to learn to love.”

Laugh Until You Cry
“Are all of your worksheets done?” says Kerry, in that oh-so-familiar voice. Kerry’s 16-year-old adopted son, Brandon, is asking to go online to chat with a friend, but she insists he finish all of his schoolwork before he uses the computer. Brandon acts disappointed. But reluctantly, he replies, “OK, Mom.” Admittedly, he appreciates the structure. “I would have flunked out of high school a long time ago if I wouldn’t have been adopted,” he says. “I probably would be pumping gas somewhere.”

Still, there have been bumps along the way. “If you choose to adopt a child who has been in foster care, prepare for a rocky ride,” says Brandon. “It’s not easy when that person’s been through so much and had so much impressed on them.” Last fall, Kerry and Kent sent Brandon to ANASAZI, a wilderness program in Arizona for at-risk youth. “It did wonders,” he admits. Several of the children see a counselor for anger and emotional issues. There are times when the children bump heads. But through it all, Kerry remains patient and loving. “The important thing is keeping it in perspective and not letting it become a huge drama,” she says. “You’ve got to be willing to work through the problems.”

Kerry practices what she preaches. She meets with other mothers to find solutions. She leads a KCSL support group for foster and adopting mothers. Once a week, she takes a break from it all by going on a date with her husband. She’s found small ways to add structure. For instance, she keeps a chore list on the refrigerator with things like “Feed Toby” (the dog), “Vacuum” and “Dust.” At the top of the sheet is the family’s mission statement: “To make our home a safe, peaceful haven, where we work together, have fun together, learn together and worship God together. Work! Play! Learn! Pray!”

The family eats dinner and prays together every night. During the holidays, they visit retirement homes and sing to senior citizens. Despite the obstacles, Kerry has found the rewards far outweigh the challenges. “The biggest reward is loving the children and them loving you back,” she says.

Speaking from his own experience, Brandon understands the difference a mother can make. “I’m glad I was adopted,” he says. “If you adopt, you can give a kid the support they need. You can be that shoulder they can cry on. You can be the hand to help them up when they fall. You can be everything for them.”

FACTS ABOUT A FAMILY OF 14
Keeping up with a dozen kids is no easy task. It means planning for considerably more groceries and loads of laundry than the average household. Here's a snapshot of the average amounts of tasks and items Kerry faces every week.

8 gallons of milk
2 grocery carts Kerry pushes at Aldi
0 times the family goes out to eat
2 sets of washers and dryers
20 loads of laundry
16 loads of dishes
1 date night for Kent and Kerry
500 approximate times Kerry hears the word "mom"